a week to savour

it won't be a week that i'll forget for a long time, that's for sure... man united lost to liverpool in the most disgusting manner i've ever seen for a long time. then love came knocking on my door again. mood meter WHOOSH! upwards! as Zaiem told me 'dude, it's been a long time coming, what the hell, make the leap... see where u two end up'. He just erased my fears, if not my doubts. off she went to France for two weeks, and well, i did my own soul-searching. then those doubts killed themselves in the end. she came back, i was ready, i'm pretty sure she was too. and so, a sad monday because of football became the BEST monday of my life because of her. i love you, Nana. =D

exam week in school was also really cool. save for 2 incidents of cheating, (really these kids are AMATEURS) it was a nice experience participating in an examination from the opposite end of the field. it felt really good to watch these kids torture themselves, wrack their brains, twirl their pens, erase their answers only to circle the same ones over and over again. not to mention giving hopeful peeks to the tables around them to see if their friends are struggling just like they are and getting bitterly disappointed because their pals have already dozed off having completed their own papers. nostalgic. there are also those silent, little moments of prayer when they're really asking God to not let the paper kill them instead of asking for blessings. i know i did whenever i sat for an exam. you're NEVER ready to sit down and face that paper. u just read up, hoping that what you read will stay in your head long enough to be poured back onto those empty sheets. it's like cupping water in your hands and hoping that it doesn't trickle away.

work-wise, it's been very relaxing this week. no lessons to plan, no books(except papers) to mark, no heat-stroke-inducing assemblies to attend. it's just handing out papers, torturing students mentally, collecting their answers and relaxing in the air-conditioned staff room. but on the other hand, there's my term paper which i plan to squeeze in everything by the 25th of March. owh, bless me please dear God. let me do enough to pass, and graduate.

owh god, i'm already 23. it's like the walls are inching in mercilessly. the weight of responsibility. responsibility to myself, the old folks, and to laying the foundations to stand on my own two feet. to say that i have no idea what i'm going to do once i finish my studies is a MAJOR understatement. should i be in JB or KL? the answer, personally, is quite obvious. but i cannot leave my folks here by themselves can i? once i've decided where i should be, what should i do? teach? lecture? tutor? write? if it's KL, should i audition? join the backstage crew? should i risk the ups and downs and uncertainties of THAT industry? plus the question of repaying everything i owe... owh god, my bro in law told of a friend of his who already had a publicly listed company at 23... i'm at the same age and all i've got is a canyon of some puluh-ribu to fill up. FUCK MY LIFE.

nevertheless, i couldn't stop myself from turning 23. i went out on birthday eve, spent some lovey dovey time with Nana. Hakim and Fyqa were there too. Nana gave me a Santa Barbara shirt and a CD compilation of her favourite tunes for my car. i'm still hoping my parents will agree to that BlackBerry for me. *fingers twisted, not crossed* Zaiem's gonna get me a birthday drink, i can't wait!! we had the usual barbecue at home, but i enjoyed it anyway. because i was HOME. nothing beats that feeling. the feeling of being home, in the company of the people you've been with for the major part of 23 years and the people who are a major part of your life, no matter how shortly they've been with you. i sorely hoped that Nana could've been there, but she had to go back to KL earlier, so that's alright... Sigh... this is gona be a huge year. i can feel it. i just hope i won't get overwhelmed by it. happy birthday to me. =)