fuck Long Distance Relationships. there's something about kilometres and miles that just fucks a relationship up in a way that no other thing can. your doubts, worries, suspicions, and overall negative vibes just increase tenfold when you're far away from each other. my first real relationship broke down EXACTLY because of distance. but it wasn't painful because she was a bitch anyway. now it's threatening to throw another one down the drain. the only problem is, I DON'T WANT TO LOSE THIS ONE. i will be the first to plead guilty to all the negativity surrounding myself, but in my defence, i believe i have handled it with as much maturity and level-headedness as i could muster.
the whole idea of being together is to share whatever you think is worth sharing between the both of you. distance takes away a BIG motherfuckin chunk out of that. so all that you have left are technology's wonderful gifts of communication, and a WHOLE lot of motherfuckin TRUST. trust that you're honest to each other. trust that you're going to survive the distance. trust that you trust each other and your own selves to make it work. but negativity spreads out through your soul like a poison coursing through a condemned man's veins on death row. one fine day it'll just blow up in your face like the condemned of old who had to sit on the electric chair(sorry, i'm thinking green mile as i type this).
i'm going to fight this with all i've got. this relationship is too MUCH young to be written off just like that. and i don't see it in myself to let it go AT ALL. my sayang ain't my enemy, the blithering thing called DISTANCE is. it's OUR enemy. and we face it TOGETHER. not by fighting each other while it laughs at us like we're on celebrity deathmatch. no, i REFUSE to let distance come in the way of this. i REFUSE to give in to the destructive narcotics of negativity. i absolutely REFUSE to entertain the possibility of us ending. if you're thinking i'm desperate, dramatic, and off my rocker, fuck you. you're not the one in love with her. I AM.
We can fuss and we can fight, as long as everything's all right between us, before we go to sleep. -NeYo.
Sunday, 24 July 2011
Friday, 22 July 2011
it's a working man's world...
i just recently started my temporary job with one of dad's old associates... apparently, he thinks me, a decomposing brain struggling to manage it's own wants and needs, fit enough to assist him in managing his office that deals with foreign workers. i went up with dad to see what i was in for just to give dad some face. i wasn't too keen on getting any job at the time simply because i was too busy trying to by a lazy arse. dad had apparently called up some friends to see if there were openings where i could be slotted in. and though i wanted to be lazy and useless, the truth was, i knew something was gonna come soon when dad made those calls.
so, in hindsight, im thankful to dad for dragging me outta this lazy rut. it was unproductive for me, and expensive for him and mom to have to keep passing me some dough so i can pass my time. therefore, due to my reluctance to find a permanent job until AFTER melbourne, a temporary job sounds like the best thing to do. it hasn't been anything like what i initially expected it to be at all. when dad's friend(let's call him Tongzi) told me that i'll be running the show, i expected it to be a nervous introduction to more experienced colleagues at the office and that i'll be taking over his place, like in a supervisory role.
as it turned out, it's ALL NEW. the office was EMPTY, without any furniture. i was supposed to set it ALL up according to his wants and add in where i deemed necessary. i was MINDFUCKED. i've never done any of this EVER in my life! being the spoilt brat that i am, everything's almost ALWAYS prepared for me. holymotherof*&(*#&$)(*)%(*...... *sighhh* but nevertheless, i'm very thankful for the fact that Tongzi is VERY helpful, although it's quite hard to grasp his instructions. i've needed him to explain his instructions at least twice EVERY time so far. i need to improve my listening because that old bloke aint going to improve his speaking. i'm also grateful that he's been very patient with me. on top of all that, dad's been willing to spend his time helping me out as well. being the old custodian, whatever that's mindfucking my head seems like child's play to him... albeit he's a little rusty from all the years of inactivity, but he's still sharp, quick and decisive, which is uberimportant and has been able to make my life much easier. not because he's saving my ass(eventhough he technically is), but he's showing and guiding me to do the right things. i have GOT to get him something great for his birthday next year. *MENTAL NOTE*
so in terms of that, it's all beginning to take shape, and hopefully, we won't crumble under the weight of all those aliens coming to legalize their presence in our country. in other developments, i managed to squeeze away from this foreign worker business for a day to attend an audition to read the news for a newly formed channel!! a big thumbs up to elfie for giving me the heads up, and a big, big gesture of gratitude to dad who helped things out so that i could escape work for a day and show up at the audition as required. gathering enough gall, i think i made enough of an impression to show them that i am a fresh graduate who's full of opinions that really don't matter because they're just opinion born from hazy and sometimes half-told story of other sources. but those sources come aplenty, therefore fueling opinions, ideas and thoughts which may be spot on, or worse, are absolute tosh. after asking me for my 2 cents worth, they asked me to read texts to a camera. having done it before, this wasn't awkward at all. but somehow, i was stuttering more than usual and this was really beginning to annoy me, in private of course. the first text was in malay, to which i HOPE i sounded malay enough. with the english text, i immediately felt more at home, but i was still super rusty. thankfully, the cameraguy who was elfie's friend said i got positive feedback, and my willingness to start from bottom sorta appealed to the two fine ladies running the audition. fingers CROSSED. no. TWISTED! please call me for the second round. even if you don't get much talent, i can assure you you're getting a hardworking and dedicated employee. aminn.
Sure it's a big job; but I don't know anyone who can do it better than I can. John F. Kennedy
so, in hindsight, im thankful to dad for dragging me outta this lazy rut. it was unproductive for me, and expensive for him and mom to have to keep passing me some dough so i can pass my time. therefore, due to my reluctance to find a permanent job until AFTER melbourne, a temporary job sounds like the best thing to do. it hasn't been anything like what i initially expected it to be at all. when dad's friend(let's call him Tongzi) told me that i'll be running the show, i expected it to be a nervous introduction to more experienced colleagues at the office and that i'll be taking over his place, like in a supervisory role.
as it turned out, it's ALL NEW. the office was EMPTY, without any furniture. i was supposed to set it ALL up according to his wants and add in where i deemed necessary. i was MINDFUCKED. i've never done any of this EVER in my life! being the spoilt brat that i am, everything's almost ALWAYS prepared for me. holymotherof*&(*#&$)(*)%(*...... *sighhh* but nevertheless, i'm very thankful for the fact that Tongzi is VERY helpful, although it's quite hard to grasp his instructions. i've needed him to explain his instructions at least twice EVERY time so far. i need to improve my listening because that old bloke aint going to improve his speaking. i'm also grateful that he's been very patient with me. on top of all that, dad's been willing to spend his time helping me out as well. being the old custodian, whatever that's mindfucking my head seems like child's play to him... albeit he's a little rusty from all the years of inactivity, but he's still sharp, quick and decisive, which is uberimportant and has been able to make my life much easier. not because he's saving my ass(eventhough he technically is), but he's showing and guiding me to do the right things. i have GOT to get him something great for his birthday next year. *MENTAL NOTE*
so in terms of that, it's all beginning to take shape, and hopefully, we won't crumble under the weight of all those aliens coming to legalize their presence in our country. in other developments, i managed to squeeze away from this foreign worker business for a day to attend an audition to read the news for a newly formed channel!! a big thumbs up to elfie for giving me the heads up, and a big, big gesture of gratitude to dad who helped things out so that i could escape work for a day and show up at the audition as required. gathering enough gall, i think i made enough of an impression to show them that i am a fresh graduate who's full of opinions that really don't matter because they're just opinion born from hazy and sometimes half-told story of other sources. but those sources come aplenty, therefore fueling opinions, ideas and thoughts which may be spot on, or worse, are absolute tosh. after asking me for my 2 cents worth, they asked me to read texts to a camera. having done it before, this wasn't awkward at all. but somehow, i was stuttering more than usual and this was really beginning to annoy me, in private of course. the first text was in malay, to which i HOPE i sounded malay enough. with the english text, i immediately felt more at home, but i was still super rusty. thankfully, the cameraguy who was elfie's friend said i got positive feedback, and my willingness to start from bottom sorta appealed to the two fine ladies running the audition. fingers CROSSED. no. TWISTED! please call me for the second round. even if you don't get much talent, i can assure you you're getting a hardworking and dedicated employee. aminn.
Sure it's a big job; but I don't know anyone who can do it better than I can. John F. Kennedy
Thursday, 7 July 2011
south or central?
it's a question that has grown like a plague in my head for a VERY long time now. will i fill my rice bowl here in JB or take a shot at what KL has to offer? the equation on the surface is really simple. KL wins hands down. why? it's where ALL the action IS!!! action = opportunities = money!! now comes the complication, or rather the other considerations. if money was the only issue, i'd be in KL by now. but there are responsibilities i must not ignore in the pursuit of monetary gain. there are things to sort out here in JB. plus i've been away from home for SUCH a long time. JB's no more the place that was my playground anymore. it's become more of a holiday destination than a home. and i don't want to lose that feeling. JB IS HOME. also, it'll be great to finally spend quality time with me old folks and family in general than confining these moments to always-too-short holidays.
therefore, after much consideration and tugs of war... i'll start working life in JB based on TWO main bases. FIRSTLY, it's the cheaper option. working in JB and living at home will cut down a LOT of cost. KL will not give me that luxury and the cost of living will simply blow my mind. SECONDLY, i get to somewhat act as a calming influence to the people who need it at home. Mum's just retired, Dad's still trying his luck, Ah Ma's at home, Mak's her usual self... so, i believe that i SHOULD be here for the people who WILL need me to be here for whatever reason that may be. FAMILY COMES FIRST. but this doesn't mean that i will totally blow the hope of goin to KL. that will be done somewhere down the road once i've established a stable base. ESPECIALLY, financially. only then can i even hope of taking on KL. gimme 1-2 years. i would have some valuable beginner's experience by then, PLUS some savings. another small plus point of starting in JB is the fact that i'll be able to train my golf properly on home turf. it's been on and off for so bloody long that, at times, i really felt like giving the game up. not for lack of talent, but for lack of improvement due to lack of time for practice! i KNOW i can shoot low for this game. i KNOW i can. but i need the opportunity to train properly and that hasn't presented itself to me at ALL in the last half a decade because of my studies. so, GOLF ALL THE WAY!!!
I've said earlier that i felt that this year would be a big one for me. if my results are true as was relayed to me by my lecturer, then this year WILL be big. GRADUATION!!! a closing chapter on the years of education. and an opening to put all those years of learning to good use. whether or not it's what i learned academically or otherwise, remains very blurry though. nevertheless, it's that time to move on again. it's not a small step to learning something. it's the biggest step ever. the application of what we have learned. or maybe it's learning to apply what we've learned. maybe it's both. we may find that all that we've learned was useless. we may also find that all that we've learned was truly useful. but it doesn't blind the fact that the step forward must be made. for better or for worse, only time will tell, but staying put will never get us anywhere will it?
let the reader ponder this:
March on. Do not tarry. To go forward is to move toward perfection. March on, and fear not the thorns, or the sharp stones on life's path. - Khalil Gibran. let's go Ayie! *leaps*
therefore, after much consideration and tugs of war... i'll start working life in JB based on TWO main bases. FIRSTLY, it's the cheaper option. working in JB and living at home will cut down a LOT of cost. KL will not give me that luxury and the cost of living will simply blow my mind. SECONDLY, i get to somewhat act as a calming influence to the people who need it at home. Mum's just retired, Dad's still trying his luck, Ah Ma's at home, Mak's her usual self... so, i believe that i SHOULD be here for the people who WILL need me to be here for whatever reason that may be. FAMILY COMES FIRST. but this doesn't mean that i will totally blow the hope of goin to KL. that will be done somewhere down the road once i've established a stable base. ESPECIALLY, financially. only then can i even hope of taking on KL. gimme 1-2 years. i would have some valuable beginner's experience by then, PLUS some savings. another small plus point of starting in JB is the fact that i'll be able to train my golf properly on home turf. it's been on and off for so bloody long that, at times, i really felt like giving the game up. not for lack of talent, but for lack of improvement due to lack of time for practice! i KNOW i can shoot low for this game. i KNOW i can. but i need the opportunity to train properly and that hasn't presented itself to me at ALL in the last half a decade because of my studies. so, GOLF ALL THE WAY!!!
I've said earlier that i felt that this year would be a big one for me. if my results are true as was relayed to me by my lecturer, then this year WILL be big. GRADUATION!!! a closing chapter on the years of education. and an opening to put all those years of learning to good use. whether or not it's what i learned academically or otherwise, remains very blurry though. nevertheless, it's that time to move on again. it's not a small step to learning something. it's the biggest step ever. the application of what we have learned. or maybe it's learning to apply what we've learned. maybe it's both. we may find that all that we've learned was useless. we may also find that all that we've learned was truly useful. but it doesn't blind the fact that the step forward must be made. for better or for worse, only time will tell, but staying put will never get us anywhere will it?
let the reader ponder this:
March on. Do not tarry. To go forward is to move toward perfection. March on, and fear not the thorns, or the sharp stones on life's path. - Khalil Gibran. let's go Ayie! *leaps*
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